Book Club Questions for Adorned

1.Nancy opens by describing a kind of women's ministry that is less about programs and more about relationships — older women living alongside younger women in the dailiness of life. How does that vision compare to what you have personally experienced in the church so far?

2.The book's title comes from the Greek word *kosmeo*, which means to adorn or to put something in its best possible light. Nancy argues that our lives — the way we love our families, manage our homes, and treat our neighbors — are meant to "adorn the doctrine of God." What does it stir in you to think of your everyday life as a kind of jewelry that makes the gospel beautiful or ugly?

3.Paul addresses Titus 2 to a specific community on a specific island — Crete — where false teaching was spreading and the culture was morally chaotic. Nancy argues that this context makes the passage more relevant, not less, to our own moment.

1.Nancy argues that Titus 2 is not optional programming for the spiritually advanced — it is the normal, expected shape of life in the body of Christ. Does that feel liberating or intimidating to you? Why?

2.She points out that every woman is simultaneously an "older woman" to someone and a "younger woman" to someone else — the categories are relational and relative, not strictly about age. Who comes to mind when you think of the women who are ahead of you in life? Who comes to mind when you think of women you might invest in?

3.Nancy uses the image of a relay race — the baton of gospel-shaped womanhood must be passed from one generation to the next. What happens to a church or a family when that baton is dropped? Have you seen this happen?

1.Nancy points out that Paul's description of older women is largely about character, not credentials. Why is that distinction so important? What happens when we confuse the two?

2.The word Paul uses for "reverent" in Titus 2:3 is *hieroprepeis* — it literally means behavior fitting for a holy place or a priestess. Nancy argues that older women are called to carry a kind of sacred dignity in how they live. What does that look and feel like in ordinary settings — a kitchen, a carpool, a conversation?

3.Paul's warning against being a "slanderer" uses the Greek word *diabolos* — the same word used for the devil. Nancy observes that malicious or careless speech about others is more than a social flaw; it is doing the devil's work.

1.Nancy notes that Paul says older women should "train" younger women to love their husbands — the Greek word (*sophronizo*) suggests intentional coaching, not just cheerleading. Why might loving a husband well be something that needs to be taught? What does that say about the nature of marriage love?

2.She draws a distinction between romantic feelings for a husband and a chosen, active, covenant love — the kind of love Paul is calling for. How does this distinction reframe the way you think about seasons in marriage when the feelings are flat or even absent?

3.Nancy shares the honest reality that many women in the church are deeply critical of their husbands — in their thoughts, in private conversations with friends, and sometimes in public. If you are married, where are you most tempted toward a critical spirit toward your husband? If you are single, where have you seen this pattern in others, and how does it affect the marriages you observe?

1.Nancy observes that the word Paul uses for "love your children" (*philoteknos*) is a term of warm affection and delight — not merely dutiful provision. How does that distinction challenge or encourage you as you think about motherhood, whether you are a mother yourself or are investing in mothers?

2.She pushes back against the cultural tendency — even within the church — to treat children as interruptions to a woman's "real" life. Have you absorbed this message in subtle ways? How does the gospel reframe the value of a child?

3.Nancy talks about the difference between loving your children and being consumed by them — between a healthy, warm, God-honoring investment in children and an idolatry that places children at the center of the home rather than God. How do you discern the line between these two things in your own life or in the families around you?

1.Nancy argues that self-control (*sophron*) is not about white-knuckled willpower but about a sound, well-ordered mind — a mind brought under the lordship of Christ. How does this reframe the way you think about self-discipline? Does it make the goal feel more or less achievable?

2.She observes that self-control is one of the most counter-cultural virtues Paul names — we live in a world that worships the satisfaction of every impulse. Where do you feel the strongest cultural pressure against self-control in your own life?

3.Nancy discusses emotional self-control alongside the more obvious physical dimensions — the way we manage our words, our reactions, our spending, our schedules. Which area of self-control do you find hardest to sustain, and why?

1.Nancy acknowledges upfront that this instruction is one of the most contested in the entire book. Before engaging her argument, where do you personally land on this topic — and what experiences or messages have shaped your view?

2.She argues that the Greek word *oikourgos* (working at home) is not a command to be physically confined to the house but a call to make the home a central priority and a place of flourishing. How does that nuance change the conversation — both for women who work outside the home and for women who do not?

3.Nancy paints a vision of the home as a mission field — a place where hospitality is extended, children are discipled, marriages are nurtured, and the surrounding community is served. How far is this vision from the way you currently think about your home?

1.Nancy distinguishes between superficial niceness — a social lubricant that avoids conflict and keeps the peace — and genuine kindness, which is rooted in love and sometimes involves hard truth. Have you ever confused the two in your own life? What was the result?

2.She argues that unkindness among women in the church is one of the great wounds and stumbling blocks in Christian community — gossip, exclusion, comparison, and sharp words all fall under this category. Where do you see unkindness most commonly operating in your circles?

3.Nancy points to the kindness of God (*chrestotes*) as the model and the motivation for our own — Paul says in Romans 2 that it is God's kindness that leads us to repentance. How does regularly meditating on God's kindness to you change the way you treat others?

1.Before engaging Nancy's argument, name the emotional response this word (*submissive*) tends to produce in you — and try to identify where that response comes from. What experiences, messages, or stories have shaped your gut reaction?

2.Nancy carefully defines submission as a voluntary, Spirit-enabled posture of deference — not a statement about worth or intelligence, not a license for abuse, and not blind obedience to anyone other than one's own husband. How does this definition differ from the caricatures of submission you have encountered?

3.She argues that submission in marriage is rooted in the submission of the Son to the Father — a relationship of equal dignity and different roles. Does this theological grounding change the way you see the concept? Why or why not?

1.Paul's phrase "that the word of God may not be reviled" (Titus 2:5) ties the behavior of Christian women directly to the reputation of Scripture and the gospel. How does it sit with you to realize that your ordinary daily choices carry this kind of public weight?

2.Nancy argues that hypocrisy in the church — Christians who claim one thing and live another — is one of the most powerful tools the enemy uses to discredit the gospel. Where have you seen this play out? How has it affected your own faith or the faith of someone you know?

3.She presents the flip side: a community of women who genuinely love their families, live with self-control, serve with kindness, and submit with grace becomes a stunning, irresistible argument for the reality of God. Have you ever encountered a community like this, even partially? What effect did it have?

1.Nancy addresses common objections to intentional mentoring relationships: "I don't know how to start," "I don't have time," "What if it gets awkward?" Which of these objections feels most alive in you, and how does Nancy address it?

2.She argues that mentoring does not have to be a formal program with a curriculum — it can be as simple as inviting a younger woman to accompany you through your regular life: grocery shopping, cooking dinner, doing laundry. Does this low-key vision of mentoring feel more accessible or less impressive than what you had imagined? Why?

3.Nancy gives practical guidance for how to structure a mentoring relationship — how often to meet, what to talk about, how to begin. What feels most helpful in her practical advice? What feels most daunting?

1.Looking back across the entire book, which chapter or virtue challenged you most deeply? Which one surprised you most — either in content or in the way it landed personally?

2.Nancy's organizing image is that our lives are meant to *adorn* the gospel — to make it beautiful and believable. How has your understanding of what that means changed over the course of reading this book?

3.Take stock of your relationships: Are you currently in a relationship where you are receiving intentional investment from an older woman? Are you in a relationship where you are intentionally investing in a younger woman? If not, what is the next concrete step you could take to change that?