Book Club Questions for Find Your People

1.Jennie describes a loneliness epidemic that exists even in a world more digitally connected than ever. Before reading this book, how would you have described your own sense of community? Be honest — not the answer you'd give in a church lobby, but the one you'd give at midnight.

2.She argues that loneliness is not just an emotional problem but a physical and spiritual one, pointing to research that links isolation to serious health consequences. Did that surprise you? How does framing loneliness as a health crisis — rather than just a feeling — change how seriously you take it?

3.Jennie is candid that even as a well-known pastor and author surrounded by people, she has struggled with profound loneliness. What does her vulnerability in the introduction invite you to do? What would it look like for you to be equally honest with someone in your life right now?

1.Jennie points to both neuroscience and the biblical narrative to argue that humans were wired for connection. Which of these two lines of evidence — the scientific or the theological — was more compelling to you, and why?

2.She draws on the image of the Trinity — Father, Son, and Holy Spirit in eternal, joyful relationship — as the original template for human community. How does that reframe what community is supposed to feel like? Does your experience of community reflect anything of that joy and mutual knowing?

3.Jennie describes how God looked at Adam in the garden and said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone' — the first thing in creation declared 'not good.' Why do you think God designed us with this fundamental need rather than making us self-sufficient?

1.Jennie identifies several enemies of community — things like busyness, fear, consumerism, and our curated online lives. Which of these resonates most strongly as the primary barrier in your own life right now? Be specific.

2.She talks about how our digital lives create the illusion of connection while actually deepening isolation. How much of your relational energy goes into online interaction versus face-to-face presence? What would you have to give up to shift that balance?

3.Jennie is honest about the way past relational hurt — betrayal, disappointment, abandonment — causes us to build walls. Have you experienced a wound from a relationship that has made you reluctant to pursue new friendships? How much is that old wound still shaping your current relational decisions?

1.Jennie argues that we cannot experience genuine community while hiding behind a curated version of ourselves. What does the 'curated version' of you look like — what do you most carefully hide from new or even established friends?

2.She distinguishes between being transparent (sharing true things) and being vulnerable (sharing things that cost you something). Can you think of a recent conversation where you were transparent but not truly vulnerable? What held you back from going deeper?

3.Jennie shares personal stories of moments when she chose to be seen and it changed a relationship. Think of a time in your own life when someone's willingness to be vulnerable with you opened a door to deeper friendship. What did their honesty make possible?

1.Jennie insists that deep friendships don't just happen — they require intentional initiation. How comfortable are you with initiating? On a scale of 1–10, where do you land, and what past experience most shaped that number?

2.She offers practical steps for how to initiate with someone — including the importance of being specific rather than vague in invitations ('Let's get coffee sometime' vs. 'Are you free Thursday at 10?'). Think of someone you've been meaning to reach out to. What would a specific, concrete invitation to them look like?

3.Jennie talks about proximity and consistency as two of the most underrated ingredients in friendship-building. Who are the people you already have natural proximity to — neighbors, coworkers, people at church — with whom you have not yet invested? What's one simple, consistent step you could take?

1.Jennie identifies five ingredients essential to deep community: proximity, consistency, vulnerability, a shared mission, and a catalyst (often shared suffering). Before going through each one, which of these five do you already have in at least one current relationship, and which are almost entirely absent from your relational life?

2.Proximity — being physically near one another regularly — is the first ingredient. Jennie laments that modern life has made proximity optional in a way it never was historically. How has the ability to live far from friends and family, work remotely, and maintain relationships online changed your experience of community? What would it take to rebuild meaningful proximity with people you care about?

3.Consistency — showing up repeatedly over time — is the ingredient that turns acquaintances into friends. Who are the people you see consistently right now? Are those consistent encounters deepening into friendship, or staying surface-level? What's the difference between the two?

1.Jennie encourages readers to identify the type of friend they are — the one who initiates, the one who deepens, the one who shows up in crisis, the one who celebrates, and so on. Without using the ideal answer, what kind of friend are you most naturally? What kind of friend do you find hardest to be?

2.She also invites readers to identify the types of friends they need — recognizing that not every friendship has to meet every need. Think about the full range of relational needs in your life right now. Who meets which needs? What needs are currently going unmet?

3.Jennie talks about how introverts and extroverts experience community differently — not that one is better, but that they refuel differently and are drained by different things. How does your personality type affect the way you pursue and experience friendship? Have you ever used 'I'm an introvert' as a reason to avoid community rather than a guide for how to pursue it differently?

1.Jennie makes a strong case that we live in a commitment-averse culture — one that keeps our options open and treats relationships as interchangeable and dispensable. Where do you see that cultural value operating in your own relational life? How has it cost you?

2.She challenges readers to identify specific people and commit to them — not a concept of community, but actual named people. Who are the people you feel called to pursue and invest in right now? Write their names down. What does committing to them actually look like in practice?

3.Jennie talks about the difference between romantic relationships and friendships in terms of the commitment we're culturally willing to make — we speak vows to spouses but rarely make any kind of intentional commitment to friends. Does that asymmetry ring true in your experience? What would it look like to make a more deliberate commitment to a friend?

1.Jennie describes the experience of being with someone who is truly, fully present — no phone, no distraction, completely there. Can you think of someone in your life who makes you feel that way? What does their presence do for you? What do they do (or not do) that communicates that you have their full attention?

2.She is direct about smartphones and social media as one of the greatest enemies of real presence. Honestly assess your own phone habits during time with friends or family. What do your phone habits communicate to the people you're with? What would change if you implemented one simple boundary — like phones away during shared meals?

3.Jennie talks about the difference between being physically in the room and actually being present — two very different things. What tends to pull you mentally out of a conversation even when you're physically there? Anxiety about what's next? Rehearsing what you're going to say? Comparison or envy?

1.Jennie makes the counterintuitive claim that conflict, navigated well, actually deepens friendship rather than destroying it. Does that resonate with your experience, or does it feel naively optimistic? Think of a friendship where conflict was the turning point — either toward depth or toward distance. What made the difference?

2.She identifies two common dysfunctional responses to relational conflict: blowing up (exploding at the other person) and shutting down (going cold and withdrawing). Which is your default, and what usually triggers it? What does your default response cost your relationships?

3.Jennie encourages readers to develop the skill of fighting for the relationship rather than winning the argument. What's the practical difference between those two postures? What would it look like to enter a difficult conversation with the goal of preserving and deepening the friendship rather than proving your point?

1.Jennie writes about the way comparison and envy quietly erode friendship — turning people who should be our greatest champions into unwitting rivals. When is comparison most likely to visit you? Is it tied to a specific area of life — career, marriage, parenting, appearance, ministry?

2.She is honest that it's possible to smile at a friend's good news on the outside while feeling a quiet sting of envy on the inside. Have you experienced that? What does it tell you when someone else's blessing triggers comparison in you rather than celebration?

3.Jennie argues that genuine celebration — the kind where you are sincerely happy for someone else's win — is a spiritual discipline that has to be cultivated. It doesn't come naturally when we're insecure. What does it say about our view of God's provision and goodness when we can't rejoice with those who rejoice?

1.Jennie argues that shared suffering is often the catalyst that turns a group of people into a genuine community — that difficulty accelerates depth in ways that easy seasons cannot. Does your own experience confirm this? Think of a relationship that was transformed by going through something hard together.

2.She is honest about our tendency to perform wellness — to say 'I'm fine' even when we're falling apart — especially in Christian contexts where we feel pressure to have it together. Where and with whom are you most likely to perform wellness? What does that performance cost you?

3.Jennie challenges readers not just to let people in during their own suffering, but to move toward people who are suffering — to resist the discomfort of being with someone in pain. Think of someone in your life who is currently suffering. How close are you leaning in? What makes it hard to move toward pain rather than away from it?

1.Jennie ends by painting a picture of what thriving, deep community actually looks like in practice — not perfect, but real, committed, and marked by love. How does her vision compare to the community you currently have? What's the distance between the two, and what's one thing that could begin to close it?

2.She argues that the stakes of community are not just personal — they are missional. A connected, thriving community of believers is one of the most compelling witnesses to a watching, lonely world. How does your community (or lack of it) reflect or obscure the gospel to the people around you?

3.Jennie returns to the idea that we are all desperate for the same thing — to be known and loved — and that the church, uniquely, has the resources to offer that. How can your church, small group, or neighborhood become a place where lonely people find a home? What is one specific, practical thing you could do to make that more true?

1.Looking back across the whole book, which chapter or idea hit you the hardest? Was it the five ingredients, the call to initiate, the chapter on conflict, the vision of shared suffering, or something else? What made that particular chapter land with such force?

2.How has your understanding of community changed over the course of this study? Where did you start, and where are you now? Try to be specific — not just 'I know more' but 'I now believe/see/feel differently about _____.'

3.Jennie's central argument is that deep community is not accidental — it requires intentionality, courage, and the specific ingredients she outlines. At the beginning of this study, was your approach to community mostly intentional or mostly passive? Has that shifted? What evidence do you have?