Book Club Questions for Having a Mary Spirit

1.Weaver introduces the concept of the "twisted sister"—the inner war between the flesh and the Spirit that every Christian woman experiences. How did you first react to that phrase? Did it feel liberating, convicting, or something else entirely?

2.She draws on Romans 7:15–25, where Paul confesses, "I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate." Have you ever felt exactly what Paul describes? Describe a recent, specific moment when your best intentions collided with your worst habits.

3.Weaver writes that our struggle is not unique but universal—even the most "put-together" Christian woman is fighting this same battle. Why do you think we so rarely admit this to one another in church settings? What would change if we did?

1.Weaver grounds the possibility of real change in 2 Corinthians 5:17—"If anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come." What does it mean that we are already new creations, even as we still struggle with old patterns? How do you hold those two realities together?

2.The author is careful to distinguish between positional truth (who we are in Christ) and experiential reality (how we actually live). Why is it important to understand both, and what goes wrong when we emphasize one without the other?

3.Weaver uses the image of renovation—God as the master contractor who wants to gut the house and rebuild it properly, not just repaint the walls. What parts of your "house" feel like they might need more than fresh paint right now?

1.Weaver's title for this chapter—"Willing to Be Made Willing"—captures a paradox at the heart of sanctification. What does it mean to ask God to give you the desire for something you don't yet desire? Have you ever prayed a prayer like that?

2.Philippians 2:13 says God works in us "both to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose." How does this verse reframe the question of motivation? Does it relieve pressure, or does it create new questions for you?

3.The author identifies a common spiritual condition: we want the results of transformation (peace, joy, fruitfulness) without the process (surrender, dying to self, discomfort). Where do you see that tension in yourself?

1.The "junk drawer" metaphor is immediately relatable. What does your spiritual junk drawer contain—what habits, thought patterns, or attitudes have you been tossing in there, meaning to deal with them "someday"?

2.Weaver draws on Hebrews 12:1's call to "throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles." She notes the distinction between sin and things that merely hinder. What is something in your life that may not be sinful in itself but is slowing you down spiritually?

3.The author walks through Colossians 3's list of what must be "put off"—including anger, malice, slander, and filthy language. Which of these "put off" items is most personally convicting for you, and why do you think that is?

1.Weaver defines a stronghold as a pattern of thinking—a lie or a distorted perspective that has been reinforced so many times it feels like truth. What strongholds have you identified in your own thought life? How long have they been there?

2.She draws on 2 Corinthians 10:3–5—"We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." What does it look like practically to take a thought captive? Have you ever actually tried this? What happened?

3.Weaver traces how strongholds are often built on half-truths—thoughts that have a grain of truth but are twisted by the enemy into something distorted and destructive. Can you identify a belief you hold about yourself, God, or others that might be a half-truth functioning as a stronghold?

1.Weaver's "flesh-woman" and "spirit-woman" framework puts a face on the internal war described in Galatians 5. How helpful is this personification for you? Does giving the flesh a name and a face make it easier or harder to confront?

2.Galatians 5:19–21 lists the "acts of the flesh." Weaver focuses not just on the obvious ones (sexual immorality, drunkenness) but on the relational and attitudinal ones—discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions. Which of these "respectable" flesh-acts do you find most active in your own life?

3.The author points out that the flesh-woman is not our enemy's invention—she is our own sinful nature. Why does it matter that we own her as ours rather than simply blaming spiritual attack or circumstances?

1."I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me" (Galatians 2:20). Weaver spends significant time on this verse. What does it mean—really mean—to no longer live? What has died, and what remains?

2.The author uses Jesus's image of the grain of wheat in John 12:24—unless it falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone, but if it dies, it bears much fruit. How does this agricultural image help explain why death is not the enemy of fruitfulness but its prerequisite?

3.Weaver distinguishes between the "death" we are called to (dying to self, to sin, to the flesh's agenda) and the abundant life Jesus promises. In your experience, does dying to self feel like loss or liberation? Have you ever experienced it as both at the same time?

1."Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled" (Matthew 5:6). Weaver takes this beatitude seriously as a diagnostic tool. On a scale of 1–10, how hungry are you for God right now—and what do you think has shaped your current level of hunger?

2.The author draws on Psalm 42's image of the deer panting for water. She observes that we can go through all the motions of a spiritual life—church, Bible reading, small group—while our souls remain dehydrated. What is the difference between spiritual activity and genuine spiritual hunger?

3.Weaver identifies several "hunger substitutes"—things we reach for to fill the soul's appetite that can never actually satisfy it. What are your most frequent hunger substitutes? What do you reach for when your soul is restless?

1.Weaver uses Mary of Nazareth's response to the angel in Luke 1:38—"I am the Lord's servant. May your word to me be fulfilled"—as the defining portrait of a surrendered heart. What strikes you most about Mary's response? What did she know and not know in that moment when she said yes?

2.Romans 12:1 calls us to offer our bodies as "a living sacrifice." The author notes that a living sacrifice keeps crawling off the altar. Have you experienced this—a surrender that didn't stick? What brought you back to the altar?

3.Weaver argues that true surrender is not passive resignation but active trust—a confident release of control based on faith in the character of God. What is the difference between surrender and giving up? How does your view of God's goodness determine which one you are actually doing?

1.John 11:5 says simply, "Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus." Weaver lingers on that verse. How does the specificity of Jesus's love—named individuals, named families—affect how you read statements about God's love for you? Does knowing He loves "you" feel abstract or personal?

2.The author argues that many of us serve God more out of a fear of losing His approval than from a security in His love. Which posture more accurately describes you—a daughter who serves from security, or one who performs to earn? What evidence from your own behavior supports your answer?

3.Weaver draws on Mary of Bethany's act of anointing Jesus with costly perfume (John 12:1–8). She observes that extravagant love looks wasteful to observers but makes perfect sense to the one who has been truly loved. When did you last do something "wasteful" for God—time, money, energy given freely with no practical return? What made it possible?

1.Weaver pairs Mary Magdalene (Luke 8:2) with the sinful woman who anointed Jesus in Luke 7. Both are women with significant pasts who encounter Jesus and are transformed. What do their stories have in common, and what is most striking to you about how Jesus responds to each of them?

2.The author argues that shame—unlike guilt—does not drive us toward God but away from Him. What is the difference between guilt ("I did something wrong") and shame ("I am something wrong")? Which one more often shapes your relationship with God?

3.In Luke 7, Jesus tells the parable of the two debtors to explain why the woman who wept at His feet loved so much: "whoever has been forgiven little loves little." What does this parable suggest about the relationship between a deep sense of personal sin and a deep experience of grace?

1.Weaver returns to Jesus's own example as the model of servant-heartedness—the one who, though Lord of all, took a towel and washed feet (John 13). What is the connection between inner transformation and outward service? Can you serve from the outside in, or must it flow from the inside out?

2.Mark 10:42–45 contrasts the world's model of greatness (lording authority over others) with Jesus's model (becoming a servant of all). Where do you see the world's model of greatness operating in your own heart—the desire to be seen, recognized, in control?

3.Weaver distinguishes between serving and servitude—between the servant's heart that chooses to give and the driven, approval-hungry service that cannot say no. How do you tell the difference in your own life? What does healthy service feel like versus driven, compulsive helping?

1.2 Corinthians 3:18 describes us as being "transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, as from the Lord, who is the Spirit." What does "ever-increasing glory" suggest about the pace and direction of transformation? Is it linear? What does it look like when it feels stalled?

2.Weaver revisits the three Marys one final time as portraits of the transformed life—Mary of Nazareth as a picture of surrender, Mary of Bethany as a picture of devotion, and Mary Magdalene as a picture of redemption. Which of the three most represents the work God has been doing in your life during this study?

3.Philippians 1:6 promises that "he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." How does this verse reframe your failures and slow progress? What does it mean that God—not you—is the primary agent of completion?

1.Looking back at your journal entries or notes from throughout the study, which week's material produced the most significant response—the most conviction, the most hope, or the most resistance? Why do you think that particular chapter hit hardest?

2.Is there a chapter you moved through too quickly that deserves more time? What question from that chapter remains unresolved or only partially answered for you?

3.Weaver includes practical application exercises throughout the book. Is there an exercise you skipped that you sense the Holy Spirit nudging you to return to? What has kept you from completing it?

1.Weaver's central metaphor is transformation from the inside out—soul-deep change that works outward. Looking back across the whole book, where have you seen the most evidence of that kind of inside-out work in your own life over these weeks? Be as specific as you can.

2.Which chapter or concept was most impactful for you personally—and why? Was it a new idea, a confirmation of something you already sensed, or a conviction that hit a specific tender spot?

3.Before you began this study, how would you have described the process of spiritual growth? How has your understanding changed? What language or framework has shifted for you?