Book Club Questions for Sacred Parenting

1.Thomas opens by distinguishing Sacred Parenting from most parenting books. What is the central question he is NOT asking, and what question is he asking instead? Why does that shift matter?

2.Thomas compares the spiritual dynamics of parenting to those he explored in Sacred Marriage. Have you ever thought of parenting — like marriage — as a path to holiness rather than primarily a path to happiness or fulfillment? What does that reframe feel like to you?

3.He openly admits from the beginning that this book will not shy away from the difficulties and failures of parenting. Why do you think so many books and conversations about parenting avoid those harder realities? What happens to parents who feel they can't admit the struggle?

1.Thomas argues that having children fundamentally disrupts our self-centeredness in ways that few other life experiences can match. How has parenting — or caring for others — revealed selfishness in you that you didn't know was there?

2.He draws a distinction between being 'responsible for' someone and being 'responsible to' someone. How do children press us into the deeper, more demanding category of the former? Why is that spiritually significant?

3.Thomas uses vivid stories of parents being pulled out of comfort, sleep, convenience, and personal plans by the needs of their children. Which illustration in this chapter most resonated with your own experience, and why?

1.Thomas explores how the unconditional delight a young child shows toward a parent can serve as a mirror of God's welcome toward us. Had you ever thought of your child's love as a theological lesson? What do you make of that idea?

2.Many adults find it easier to serve God than to be loved by Him — to do rather than to receive. How does parenting expose that tendency? Do you find it easier to give to your children or to simply enjoy being with them?

3.Thomas uses the image of a child running to greet a parent at the door as a picture of God's posture toward us. How does that image land for you? Does it feel natural or difficult to imagine God running toward you?

1.Thomas describes the almost primal instinct parents have to protect their children from harm. When have you felt that protective impulse most strongly? What did it reveal about you?

2.The chapter argues that parental vigilance — the constant watchfulness required to keep children safe — trains us in a kind of spiritual alertness. How has caring for vulnerable children made you more aware of danger, risk, and the fragility of life?

3.Thomas is honest that we cannot protect our children from everything, and that learning to trust God with their vulnerability is one of parenting's hardest lessons. Where do you struggle most to release your children into God's care?

1.Thomas argues that parenting is one of the most effective prayer schools God has designed. Looking at your own prayer life, do you find that to be true? Has your prayer become more desperate, more frequent, or more honest since becoming a parent?

2.He describes the experience of praying for a child in crisis — sick, struggling, or in danger — as a uniquely stripping form of prayer that removes all pretense. Can you recall a moment when parenting drove you to exactly that kind of raw, honest prayer? What was it like?

3.Thomas notes that many adults pray casually about themselves but pray desperately about their children. What does that contrast reveal about where we actually place our trust — and our sense of control?

1.Thomas explores how Scripture consistently uses parenting language — Father, children, adoption, discipline, inheritance — to describe God's relationship with humanity. Which of these images resonates most deeply with you, and why?

2.He argues that God's style of parenting is itself a model: present but not smothering, guiding but not controlling, disciplining but always from love. Which of these qualities do you find most difficult to imitate in your own parenting?

3.Thomas notes that God allows His children to make choices, experience consequences, and even fail — because love requires freedom. How do you hold together the desire to protect your children with the necessity of allowing them to develop through struggle?

1.Thomas uses the language of sacrifice throughout this chapter — not dramatic sacrifice, but the daily, repeated giving of time, energy, money, sleep, and personal ambition. Which of these 'ordinary sacrifices' has cost you the most?

2.He distinguishes between sacrifice that is resented and sacrifice that is freely given. What makes the difference? Have you experienced both in your parenting life?

3.Thomas points to the way parenting strips away our attachment to comfort, convenience, and control — and suggests this stripping is a form of grace. Has there been a season of parenting that felt like it was 'stripping' something away from you? What was it, and what did you find underneath?

1.Thomas argues that children have a unique capacity to reawaken wonder in adults who have grown too accustomed to the world. What is something your child has said, noticed, or asked that stopped you in your tracks and made you see something familiar in an entirely new way?

2.He suggests that children model a kind of trust and receptivity that Jesus held up as a spiritual ideal — 'unless you become like a child.' What specific childlike quality do you most need to recover in your own life of faith?

3.Thomas explores how the sheer delight parents take in their children — watching them sleep, hearing them laugh, celebrating their discoveries — can be received as a spiritual practice, a form of gratitude and worship. How intentionally do you receive your children as gifts rather than primarily as responsibilities?

1.Thomas argues that one of the great spiritual lessons of parenting is attentiveness — learning to notice, to be present, and to mark what matters. How attentive would you honestly say you are in your daily life with your children? What most often distracts you?

2.He draws on the biblical tradition of setting up 'stones of remembrance' — intentional acts of marking and celebrating what God has done. What are the 'milestones' your family marks, and what do those rituals communicate to your children about memory, gratitude, and God?

3.Thomas reflects on how quickly children change — a pace that can feel like loss if we're not paying attention. Have you ever been startled by how much your child had grown without your fully noticing? What does that experience stir in you?

1.Thomas calls the family a 'school of sanctification.' What does he mean by that, and how does it differ from viewing the family primarily as a place of comfort or personal fulfillment?

2.He argues that the close, sustained, unavoidable proximity of family life is precisely what makes it such an effective laboratory for spiritual growth — we cannot hide our worst selves from the people we live with. How has your family seen you at your worst? What has that revelation been like?

3.Thomas suggests that the virtues most needed in family life — patience, humility, forgiveness, gentleness — are also the virtues most central to Christian character. Which of these is most consistently under pressure in your home right now?

1.Thomas argues that parenting is one of the most significant 'eternal investments' a person can make — that the spiritual formation of a child has implications that ripple across generations. How does that long view change how you think about what you are doing right now in your home?

2.He is careful not to promise that faithful parenting guarantees a child's faith — he acknowledges the pain of parents whose children have walked away from belief. How does he hold together the importance of our role with the limits of our influence? Do you find his balance convincing?

3.Thomas uses the language of 'planting seeds' — some of which we may never see grow in our lifetimes. Have you seen evidence in your own family of seeds planted by a previous generation that are only now bearing fruit? How does that encourage you?

1.Looking back across the whole book, which chapter or idea was most personally significant to you — the one that most surprised you, most challenged you, or most changed how you see your parenting life?

2.Thomas's central thesis is that God uses parenting to shape us more than we use parenting to shape our children. Has that idea taken root in you over the course of this study? Does it feel more true now than when you started? Why or why not?

3.Is there a specific area of your character — a besetting sin, a recurring failure, a practiced avoidance — that this book helped you name as something God is at work on through your parenting? What is it, and what have you done (or what will you do) about it?