Book Club Questions for Untangle Your Emotions

1.Jennie opens the book by describing the cultural and even religious messages many of us have absorbed about emotions — things like "don't let your feelings get the best of you" or the implicit message that strong feelings are a sign of weak faith. Which of these messages have you heard most often, and where did they come from (family, church, culture)?

2.She makes a distinction between being "emotional" and being "emotionally healthy." In your own words, what is the difference? Do you tend to identify as an emotional person or as someone who keeps feelings at a distance?

3.Jennie is candid from the start about her own struggles with emotional avoidance. What does her honesty about her story stir up in you — relief, skepticism, curiosity? Why?

1.Jennie argues that the belief "feelings are sinful" is a myth that has done real damage in Christian communities. Where do you think this myth comes from — bad theology, cultural stoicism, misread Bible verses? What has been its fruit in your own faith community?

2.She points to the emotional life of Jesus as Exhibit A for the idea that emotions are not inherently sinful. Which emotion of Jesus stands out most to you as surprising or convicting — His weeping at Lazarus's tomb, His anger in the temple, His anguish in Gethsemane? Why?

3.Jennie draws a distinction between having an emotion and being ruled by it. In your experience, where is the line between those two things? How do you know when a feeling has crossed from being noticed to being in control?

1.Jennie describes two common unhealthy patterns: stuffing emotions down (suppression) and spewing them out (explosion). Which pattern do you more naturally default to? Do different emotions bring out different patterns in you?

2.She is candid about her own tendency to stuff feelings and present a competent, together exterior. When you read that, did you recognize yourself — or someone you love? What does that pattern protect you from?

3.The chapter explores how our families of origin shape our emotional defaults. What was the emotional "climate" of your home growing up?

1."Notice" is Step 1 of Jennie's five-step process. Why does she think noticing is harder than it sounds? What gets in the way of simply pausing to acknowledge that something is happening inside you?

2.Jennie describes how busyness, distraction, and productivity can function as emotional anesthesia — we stay too busy to feel. What are the specific ways you tend to numb or distract yourself when difficult emotions begin to surface?

3.She talks about learning to notice the physical signals of emotion — a tight chest, a clenched jaw, a knot in the stomach. Have you ever experienced an emotion first in your body before you could name it in your mind? What was that like?

1.Jennie introduces the concept of "emotional granularity" — the ability to distinguish between emotions with precision rather than labeling everything as simply "stressed" or "fine." Why does specificity matter? What is the difference, practically, between knowing you're "sad" versus knowing you're "grieving a lost friendship"?

2.She references research by psychologist Lisa Feldman Barrett showing that people with a larger emotional vocabulary actually experience less emotional reactivity — naming the feeling, quite literally, calms the nervous system. Did that surprise you? Why do you think putting words to feelings has that effect?

3.Jennie includes an emotions wheel or list of feeling words to expand readers' emotional vocabulary. Look back at that list. Which emotions are easy for you to name? Which ones feel foreign, embarrassing, or hard to claim?

1.Jennie's central thesis arrives most forcefully in this step: "Feelings aren't something to fix; they are something to feel." Why is this so countercultural — both in the secular world and in Christian culture specifically?

2.She describes the discomfort of sitting with a hard emotion without immediately jumping to solutions, Scripture verses (used as emotional bypass), or distraction. Have you ever used a spiritual practice — prayer, Bible reading, serving — as a way to avoid feeling something rather than bringing it to God? What did that look like?

3.The chapter explores the idea that unprocessed emotions don't disappear — they compound. Jennie uses the image of a beach ball held underwater: eventually the pressure forces it to the surface with more force than it would have had naturally. Where in your life is there a "beach ball" you've been holding down?

1.Jennie argues that emotions are meant to move us toward connection — with God and with others. She calls this the "social" function of emotion. How does this reframe the way you think about vulnerability? Is sharing feelings a spiritual obligation, a relational gift, or something else entirely?

2.She is honest about how terrifying it is to share difficult emotions — the fear of being a burden, being judged, or having your feelings dismissed or minimized. Which of those fears most resonates with you? Where did that fear come from?

3.Jennie draws on research about the neurobiological benefits of sharing emotions with a safe person — cortisol drops, oxytocin rises, and the nervous system literally calms down. Have you ever experienced this? What happened after you shared something honest with a trustworthy person?

1.Jennie's fifth step is "Choose." Why is it important that this comes last — after Notice, Name, Feel, and Share — rather than first? What goes wrong when we jump straight to "what should I do" without doing the preceding steps?

2.She emphasizes that the choice in Step 5 is not "choose to feel differently" but "choose how to respond" — it honors the emotion without letting it dictate behavior. Can you think of a situation in your life right now where you have noticed, named, and felt an emotion — and now need to make a deliberate choice about how to respond?

3.Jennie introduces the concept of agency — the God-given capacity to act rather than just react. How does emotional awareness actually increase your agency rather than diminish it? Have you found that naming and feeling emotions makes you more or less reactive?

1.Jennie walks through multiple scenes of Jesus experiencing emotion — joy, grief, anger, compassion, anguish. Which of these depictions of Jesus surprised you most, or felt most unfamiliar compared to how you typically picture Him?

2.She makes the point that Jesus experienced emotions fully without sin — He is the proof that emotion itself is not the problem. How does meditating on the emotional life of Christ change how you view your own emotions? Does it give you permission, or does it raise the bar in a way that feels discouraging?

3.Jennie highlights the scene in John 11 where Jesus weeps at the tomb of Lazarus — even though He is about to raise Lazarus from the dead. He does not skip the grief in order to get to the miracle. What does that teach us about how God relates to our suffering and loss?

1.Jennie has spent much of the book defending the value of emotions — so why is this chapter important? What would be incomplete or even dangerous about a view of emotions that never acknowledged their capacity to mislead us?

2.She discusses how certain emotions, particularly fear and shame, can feel absolutely certain but be rooted in lies — false beliefs about ourselves, God, or the world. Can you identify a lie an emotion has told you that felt completely true at the time?

3.Jennie talks about the way trauma, past wounds, and early experiences can "hardwire" emotional responses that are no longer accurate to present reality — we feel small in situations where we are actually safe, or dangerous in relationships that are actually trustworthy. Have you experienced this kind of emotional déjà vu from the past?

1.Jennie defines emotional maturity not as feeling less but as responding more wisely. How does that definition align with or challenge what you thought emotional maturity looked like before reading this book?

2.She argues that emotional health and spiritual depth are not in tension — they are deeply intertwined. In your experience, have you seen emotionally immature people who appeared spiritually mature? What was missing?

3.The chapter connects emotional availability — the willingness to be present and honest about your inner life — to the quality of your relationships. How has your own emotional unavailability (through stuffing, deflecting, or performing) cost you in a significant relationship?

1.Jennie grounds the entire case for emotional engagement in the doctrine of the imago Dei — we are made in the image of a God who grieves, delights, is jealous, and loves. How does this theological anchor change the stakes of the conversation? If God feels, what does it say about our feelings when we suppress them?

2.She addresses the theological tension around divine impassibility — the classical doctrine that God does not suffer in the way humans do. Without resolving every nuance, she points to the overwhelming biblical testimony of God's emotional engagement with His creation. How do you hold the truth that God is unchanging and sovereign alongside the truth that He grieves over sin and rejoices over the redeemed?

3.Jennie draws attention to Zephaniah 3:17 — "He will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you with his love; he will exult over you with loud singing." What is it like to sit with the image of God singing over you with joy? Is that easy or difficult to receive? Why?

1.As Jennie concludes the book, she paints a picture of what life looks like when emotions are consistently noticed, named, felt, shared, and responded to wisely. How is that picture different from your life at the beginning of this book? What has shifted in your thinking, even if your habits haven't fully caught up yet?

2.She is careful to say that the goal is not emotional perfection — not a life without difficult feelings — but emotional honesty and resilience. How does that reframe success? What does it mean to "succeed" at emotional health in a broken world?

3.Jennie calls readers to make this a communal practice, not just a personal one — to bring this kind of emotional honesty into friendships, marriages, families, and churches. What would it look like in one specific relationship in your life to introduce more of this emotional vocabulary and process?

1.Which chapter or concept in *Untangle Your Emotions* had the most impact on you personally? What was it about that particular idea that landed so hard?

2.How has your view of emotions changed from the beginning of this study to now? If you had to write a one-sentence summary of what you used to believe about feelings and what you believe now, what would those two sentences be?

3.Jennie's five-step process — Notice, Name, Feel, Share, Choose — is the practical heart of the book. Looking back: which step have you practiced most intentionally over the course of this study? Which step do you still find yourself skipping or rushing? What is your plan for that step going forward?