Book Club Questions for You and Me Forever

1.The Chans open by acknowledging that most people come to a marriage book looking for practical help with their relationship. How did you come to this book, and what were you hoping to find?

2.Francis and Lisa argue from the outset that the greatest threat to a marriage is not conflict or neglect, but misplaced priority — making the marriage itself the ultimate goal. Does this diagnosis surprise you? Why or why not?

3.The introduction sets up an eternal frame for the entire book. In your own words, what does it mean to view your marriage through an 'eternal lens'?

1.The chapter opens with the striking claim that marriage is not that important — at least not in the ultimate sense. What biblical evidence do the Chans use to support this claim? Did it convince you?

2.Jesus tells the Sadducees in Matthew 22:30 that in the resurrection people 'neither marry nor are given in marriage.' How does this verse reframe the way you think about your earthly marriage?

3.The Chans describe the danger of 'idolizing' marriage — treating it as the primary source of meaning, identity, and fulfillment. Where do you see this tendency in the broader culture? Where do you see it in yourself?

1.The Chans open this chapter by confronting the reality that our time on earth is vanishingly short. How does James 4:13–15's image of life as 'a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes' land on you personally?

2.Francis and Lisa challenge the common tendency to defer significant decisions — about generosity, mission, obedience — until conditions are more convenient. Where are you currently waiting for a better time to obey something God has already made clear to you?

3.The chapter argues that a marriage shaped by eternal urgency will look radically different from one focused on comfort and security. What are some concrete ways a couple's daily life might look different if they genuinely believed they had very little time left?

1.The Chans argue that a God-centered marriage should naturally be a fruitful marriage — one that produces something beyond its own happiness. What does 'fruit' look like in the context of a marriage, and how does Jesus's teaching in John 15 apply?

2.The chapter challenges couples to ask a hard question: is your marriage making anyone else's life better? Does it draw people toward Christ, or is it largely self-contained and self-serving? Answer honestly.

3.Francis and Lisa discuss how their own marriage has been shaped by a sense of mission together — not just mission as individuals, but as a unit. What does a shared mission look like for a couple?

1.The chapter's title is provocative: 'Pursuing the Perfect Spouse.' The Chans argue that this pursuit begins not by changing your spouse but by changing yourself. How does this reframe the way you typically think about problems in your marriage?

2.Francis draws on Ephesians 5:25–33 to describe the husband's call to love his wife as Christ loved the church — sacrificially, sanctifyingly, and tirelessly. How far is this from the way most husbands (including yourself, if you are one) actually love their wives?

3.Lisa speaks candidly about the challenges she has faced in her own marriage and the temptation to focus on what Francis was not doing rather than what she was being called to do. Can you relate to this pattern?

1.The Chans address the biblical teaching on husbands as 'head' and wives called to 'submit' — a teaching that is frequently misunderstood and misapplied. How was this teaching modeled (or not modeled) in the home you grew up in, and how has that shaped your instincts?

2.Francis argues that the headship model of Ephesians 5 is not a power structure but a service structure — the husband leads by laying down his life, just as Christ did. How does this servant-leadership model differ from what the word 'authority' typically implies?

3.Jesus tells His disciples in Mark 10:42–45 that 'whoever wants to be great among you must be your servant.' How does this radically reshape what it means for a husband to be the 'head' of the home?

1.The Chans paint a picture of a mission-centered marriage — one that is outward-focused rather than inward-focused. How does this vision compare to what your marriage currently looks like or what you have been taught to aim for?

2.Francis and Lisa describe the early church in Acts 2 as a community marked by generosity, hospitality, and shared life — all in service of a larger mission. How might a married couple embody this kind of community to the people around them?

3.The chapter challenges the way many couples build 'fortresses' — beautiful homes, busy schedules, and full lives that are effectively closed to outsiders. Does this description fit your life? What would it cost you to open up?

1.The Chans argue that one of the greatest contributions a married couple can make to eternity is raising children who love Jesus. Does this feel like pressure or like privilege — or both? Why?

2.Moses commands in Deuteronomy 6 that the love of God be impressed on children through the rhythms of daily life — walking, sitting, lying down, rising. What does this kind of pervasive, everyday spiritual formation look like in a 21st-century home?

3.Francis and Lisa are transparent about their fears and failures as parents. What specific vulnerabilities or honest admissions do they share, and how does their honesty affect you as a reader?

1.The Chans address the reality that many marriages — including Christian ones — end in divorce. How do they handle this topic with both grace and clarity, and do you feel they strike the right balance?

2.God says in Malachi 2:16 that He 'hates divorce' — not as a condemnation of divorced people, but as an expression of His love for covenant faithfulness. How do you hold this truth together with compassion for those whose marriages have ended?

3.The chapter argues that the willingness to fight for a marriage — to stay and work through difficulty — is itself a powerful testimony to the gospel. How does covenant faithfulness in marriage point to God's covenant faithfulness to His people?

1.Which chapter or theme from *You and Me Forever* hit you hardest? What was it about that particular idea that got past your defenses?

2.At the beginning of this study, you likely had certain expectations about marriage — and about this book. How have those expectations shifted? What has genuinely changed in your thinking?

3.The Chans' central argument is that only when two people are right with God will they truly be right with each other. Looking back, where have you seen evidence of this truth in your own experience — or in the experience of couples you know?