Discussion question your group will work through:
1.The Chans open by acknowledging that most people come to a marriage book looking for practical help with their relationship. How did you come to this book, and what were you hoping to find?
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About This Study Guide
You and Me Forever by Francis and Lisa Chan is not a typical marriage book — and that is precisely the point. Rather than offering techniques for better communication or conflict resolution, the Chans make a bold, countercultural argument: the secret to a great marriage is to stop making your marriage the main thing. When two people fix their eyes on eternity and pursue God with radical devotion, they become the kind of spouses — and people — they were always meant to be. The book's thesis is simple but demanding: only when two people are right with God will they truly be right with each other.
This study guide is designed for couples, small groups, or individuals who want to read You and Me Forever slowly and prayerfully over several weeks. The rhythm is straightforward: read the assigned chapter before your group meets (or before your personal study time), spend time journaling your honest responses to the questions, and then bring your reflections into conversation with your spouse, your group, or God in prayer. Some questions will make you uncomfortable — that is intentional. The Chans write with pastoral urgency because they believe eternity is real and the stakes are high.
By the end of this guide, you should expect more than a refreshed perspective on marriage. You should expect to be challenged about your priorities, your courage, and your willingness to let God be God in every area of your life — including your relationship with your spouse. Whether you are newly married, have been married for decades, or are single and thinking about the future, this book has something to say to you. Come to it with an open Bible, an honest heart, and a willingness to be changed.
10-Week Schedule
- Week 1Introduction — A Different Kind of Marriage Book7 questions
- Week 2Chapter 1 — Marriage Is Not That Important8 questions
- Week 3Chapter 2 — Live for Today8 questions
- Week 4Chapter 3 — A Fruitful Life8 questions
- Week 5Chapter 4 — Pursuing the Perfect Spouse8 questions
- Week 6Chapter 5 — Who's In Charge?8 questions
- Week 7Chapter 6 — The Mission-Centered Marriage8 questions
- Week 8Chapter 7 — Train Your Children8 questions
- Week 9Chapter 8 — Staying Together8 questions
- Week 10Review & Reflection8 questions
Week 1: Introduction — A Different Kind of Marriage Book
Free sampleRead the Introduction of You and Me Forever. Key passages: Matthew 6:33; Ecclesiastes 9:9.
1.The Chans open by acknowledging that most people come to a marriage book looking for practical help with their relationship. How did you come to this book, and what were you hoping to find?
2.Francis and Lisa argue from the outset that the greatest threat to a marriage is not conflict or neglect, but misplaced priority — making the marriage itself the ultimate goal. Does this diagnosis surprise you? Why or why not?
3.The introduction sets up an eternal frame for the entire book. In your own words, what does it mean to view your marriage through an 'eternal lens'?
a.How does this differ from how most couples — or even most Christian couples — tend to think about marriage?
b.What practical difference might this shift in perspective make on a Tuesday morning when you and your spouse are annoyed with each other?
4.The Chans write with a noticeable sense of urgency throughout the introduction. What tone do you pick up from their opening pages, and what do you think drives that urgency?
5.Jesus says in Matthew 6:33 to 'seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.' How does this verse function as a kind of thesis statement for the book's approach to marriage?
6.This book is addressed to both couples and singles. If you are single, how does an eternal perspective on marriage speak to your situation right now? If you are married, what assumption about marriage do you most need to challenge as you begin reading?
7.As you begin this study, what is one honest fear or resistance you have about the Chans' countercultural approach? Bring that resistance to God in prayer rather than suppressing it.
Week 2: Chapter 1 — Marriage Is Not That Important
Read Chapter 1 of You and Me Forever. Key passages: Matthew 22:30; Luke 14:26; Revelation 19:6–9.
1.The chapter opens with the striking claim that marriage is not that important — at least not in the ultimate sense. What biblical evidence do the Chans use to support this claim? Did it convince you?
Week 3: Chapter 2 — Live for Today
Read Chapter 2 of You and Me Forever. Key passages: James 4:13–15; Psalm 90:12; 2 Corinthians 4:17–18.
1.The Chans open this chapter by confronting the reality that our time on earth is vanishingly short. How does James 4:13–15's image of life as 'a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes' land on you personally?
Week 4: Chapter 3 — A Fruitful Life
Read Chapter 3 of You and Me Forever. Key passages: John 15:1–8; Matthew 28:18–20; Galatians 5:22–23.
1.The Chans argue that a God-centered marriage should naturally be a fruitful marriage — one that produces something beyond its own happiness. What does 'fruit' look like in the context of a marriage, and how does Jesus's teaching in John 15 apply?
Week 5: Chapter 4 — Pursuing the Perfect Spouse
Read Chapter 4 of You and Me Forever. Key passages: Ephesians 5:25–33; 1 Corinthians 13:4–7; Romans 8:29.
1.The chapter's title is provocative: 'Pursuing the Perfect Spouse.' The Chans argue that this pursuit begins not by changing your spouse but by changing yourself. How does this reframe the way you typically think about problems in your marriage?
Week 6: Chapter 5 — Who's In Charge?
Read Chapter 5 of You and Me Forever. Key passages: Ephesians 5:22–24; Mark 10:42–45; Philippians 2:5–8.
1.The Chans address the biblical teaching on husbands as 'head' and wives called to 'submit' — a teaching that is frequently misunderstood and misapplied. How was this teaching modeled (or not modeled) in the home you grew up in, and how has that shaped your instincts?
Week 7: Chapter 6 — The Mission-Centered Marriage
Read Chapter 6 of You and Me Forever. Key passages: Acts 2:42–47; Luke 10:1–9; 2 Corinthians 5:18–20.
1.The Chans paint a picture of a mission-centered marriage — one that is outward-focused rather than inward-focused. How does this vision compare to what your marriage currently looks like or what you have been taught to aim for?
Week 8: Chapter 7 — Train Your Children
Read Chapter 7 of You and Me Forever. Key passages: Deuteronomy 6:4–9; Proverbs 22:6; Psalm 78:4–7.
1.The Chans argue that one of the greatest contributions a married couple can make to eternity is raising children who love Jesus. Does this feel like pressure or like privilege — or both? Why?
Week 9: Chapter 8 — Staying Together
Read Chapter 8 of You and Me Forever. Key passages: Malachi 2:14–16; Matthew 19:4–6; Hebrews 12:1–2.
1.The Chans address the reality that many marriages — including Christian ones — end in divorce. How do they handle this topic with both grace and clarity, and do you feel they strike the right balance?
Week 10: Review & Reflection
Review your notes and journal entries from the entire study of You and Me Forever.
1.Which chapter or theme from *You and Me Forever* hit you hardest? What was it about that particular idea that got past your defenses?
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Frequently Asked Questions
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This study guide covers You and Me Forever in 10 weeks, with chapter-by-chapter discussion questions, reading references, and closing prayers for each session.
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The complete guide includes 79 discussion questions across 10 weeks — an average of 8 questions per week, designed for group conversation.
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