Boundaries with Kids by Henry Cloud & John Townsend
Week 7: Chapter 6 — Whose Problem Is It?
Read Chapter 6 of Boundaries with Kids. Key Scripture: Galatians 6:5; Proverbs 20:11.
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One of the most liberating — and most challenging — chapters in the book asks a deceptively simple question: when something goes wrong with your child, who actually owns that problem? Your answer to that question determines everything.
Discussion Questions
8 questions1.Cloud and Townsend argue that one of the most important parenting skills is correctly diagnosing who owns a problem — the parent or the child. Why is getting this diagnosis wrong so costly? What happens when a parent consistently claims ownership of a problem that belongs to their child?
2.The authors use the image of a child's backpack to illustrate this concept: every child needs to carry their own load. What kinds of "loads" do parents most commonly pick up that should remain in their child's backpack? Why do we pick them up?
3.Cloud and Townsend distinguish between problems that originate with the child (the child's responsibility) and problems that the child's behavior causes for the parent (the parent's responsibility to address). How does that distinction help clarify appropriate responses?
a.Give an example of a problem that originates with the child and belongs to them.
b.Give an example of a child behavior that creates a problem for the parent, and how the parent should own that response.
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