Changes That Heal by Henry Cloud
Week 8: Chapter 7 — Becoming an Adult: Moving from 'One Up/One Down' to Equals
Read Chapter 7 of Changes That Heal. Key Scriptures: Galatians 3:28; 1 Corinthians 13:11; Luke 15:11–32.
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Cloud's fourth task of growth involves the crucial developmental step from living as a child — in either compliance or rebellion against authority — to living as a responsible, free adult who can relate to others as peers.
Discussion Questions
7 questions1.Cloud describes the adult-child developmental task as moving out of a 'one-up/one-down' view of relationships — where someone is always the authority and someone is always the subordinate — into a world of mutual, peer relationships. Why does he argue that so many adults never complete this transition?
2.The author draws a distinction between the legitimate authority of parents over young children and the illegitimate extension of that authority into adult relationships. Think about a relationship in your life where you have slipped into either the child role (passive, compliant, waiting for permission) or the parent role (controlling, taking over, unable to let someone be an equal). What drives that pattern?
3.Cloud uses the parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15) as an illustration. Both sons have failed to become adults — one by demanding independence before he is ready, the other by dutiful compliance masking deep resentment. Which son do you more closely identify with, and why?
a.Where in your life are you the younger son — running toward something that promises freedom but isn't?
b.Where are you the older son — working hard and resenting everyone who seems to get grace you didn't?
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