The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

Week 8: Chapter 7 — Discovering Your Love Language

Read Chapter 7 of The 5 Love Languages: Singles Edition

Knowing the theory of the five love languages is one thing — the transformative work begins when you honestly identify your own primary love language and begin to understand why you are wired that way.

Discussion Questions

7 questions

1.Chapman offers three diagnostic questions for discovering your love language: What do you most often request of others? What do you most frequently complain about not getting? And how do you most naturally express love to others? Walk through each of these three questions for yourself.

a.What do you find yourself most often asking of the people you are close to?

b.What complaint or unmet longing keeps coming up in your relationships?

c.When you want to show someone you love them, what do you naturally do?

2.Having read about all five languages by now, which one feels most like your native tongue — the one that most powerfully fills your love tank when you receive it? Did reading the chapters confirm your initial guess or surprise you?

3.Chapman notes that some people feel they have two equally strong love languages, while others have a very clear primary language. Do you feel you have one dominant love language, or do multiple languages feel significant to you? How might that complexity play out in your relationships?

4.He also raises the important point that our love language may have been shaped — positively or negatively — by our childhood and family of origin. Did the way love was expressed (or withheld) in your home growing up shape what you now most hunger for in relationships?

5.Chapman suggests that knowing your own love language helps you communicate your needs more clearly to others, rather than expecting them to guess or assuming they should just know. How comfortable are you with expressing your own emotional needs to people you are close to? What makes that easy or difficult?

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Closing Prayer

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Father, you knit us together with precision and care, and you know us better than we know ourselves. Thank you for the gift of self-knowledge — for every moment of insight that helps us understand why we are the way we are. As we discover our own love languages, save us from using that knowledge selfishly. Instead, help us use it to build bridges: to communicate more honestly, to receive love more gratefully, and to love others more wisely. Amen.

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