Discussion question your group will work through:
1.Lewis begins by distinguishing between 'need-love' and 'gift-love.' In your own words, what is the difference between the two?
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About This Study Guide
C. S. Lewis's The Four Loves is one of the most illuminating explorations of love ever written by a Christian thinker. Drawing on the Greek language's four distinct words for love — Storge (affection), Philia (friendship), Eros (romantic love), and Agape (the love of God) — Lewis examines each with the clarity of a philosopher, the warmth of a pastor, and the honesty of a man who has himself known love's joys and its costs. His central argument is that the "natural loves" (affection, friendship, and eros) are genuine goods, but they are not self-sufficient. Left to themselves, they can curdle into possessiveness, exclusivity, or idolatry. Only when they are ordered beneath and permeated by Agape — God's own love poured out in Christ — do they become fully themselves and truly life-giving. As Lewis memorably writes, "To love at all is to be vulnerable," and it is precisely by accepting that vulnerability, not armoring against it, that we draw closer to God.
This study guide is designed for six to eight weeks of individual or small-group engagement. Each week, read the assigned chapter (or section) of The Four Loves before your discussion time. After reading, spend a few minutes journaling your initial reactions — what surprised you, what challenged you, what resonated. Then work through the discussion questions together, allowing each person to speak before moving on. Close your time with the prayer provided, or use it as a springboard for your own. You do not need a background in theology or philosophy to benefit from this guide; Lewis wrote for ordinary readers, and these questions are designed to meet you where you are.
By the end of this study, you can expect to see your own loves more clearly — their beauty, their distortions, and their capacity to be redeemed. You will likely find yourself thinking differently about your friendships, your family bonds, and your romantic relationships, and you will have fresh language for the way God's love both judges and fulfills every human love. Most importantly, you will be invited not merely to think about love but to risk it more freely, trusting that the God who is love himself is the safest place to bring a broken or confused heart.
8-Week Schedule
- Week 1Introduction — Likes, Loves, and the Love of God8 questions
- Week 2Likings and Loves for the Sub-Human — Love of Nature and Love of Country7 questions
- Week 3Affection (Storge)8 questions
- Week 4Friendship (Philia)8 questions
- Week 5Eros8 questions
- Week 6Charity (Agape)8 questions
- Week 7The Greatest Gift — Synthesis and Application8 questions
- Week 8Review & Reflection8 questions
Week 1: Introduction — Likes, Loves, and the Love of God
Free sampleRead the Introduction of The Four Loves by C. S. Lewis.
1.Lewis begins by distinguishing between 'need-love' and 'gift-love.' In your own words, what is the difference between the two?
a.Can you think of a recent example of each type of love from your own life?
b.Lewis says that need-love should not be despised — why not? Do you agree?
2.Lewis also introduces a third category: 'appreciative love.' How does this differ from both need-love and gift-love, and why does he think it matters?
3.Lewis distinguishes between 'nearness by likeness' to God and 'nearness by approach' to God. What does he mean, and why does he argue that the first can actually be spiritually dangerous?
4.He warns early on that the natural loves can become 'demonic' when they are elevated to the position that only God should occupy. Does this surprise you? Have you ever seen a good love become harmful in this way?
5.Lewis says that God is love, but that love is not God — and that confusing the two is a serious error. Why do you think this confusion is so easy to make in our culture today?
6.He also introduces the idea of 'appreciative pleasures' versus 'need pleasures.' How does the distinction between these two shape the way Lewis will talk about love throughout the book?
7.How does Lewis's framework of four loves challenge or confirm the way you have thought about love up to this point? What category of love do you think you understand least?
8.Lewis grounds his entire discussion in the Christian conviction that God himself is love and that all human loves are, in some sense, reflections of — or participations in — that divine love. How does that theological foundation change the stakes of this conversation for you personally?
Week 2: Likings and Loves for the Sub-Human — Love of Nature and Love of Country
Read Chapter 1 of The Four Loves by C. S. Lewis ("Likings and Loves for the Sub-Human").
1.Lewis discusses our love of nature and warns against what he calls the 'nature mystic' who begins to treat nature as a route to the divine in itself. What is the genuine good in loving nature, and where does it go wrong?
Week 3: Affection (Storge)
Read Chapter 2 of The Four Loves by C. S. Lewis ("Affection"). Key theme verse: Romans 12:10.
1.Lewis describes Storge as a love that grows almost unbidden through sheer proximity — we come to love what is familiar. Can you think of a relationship in your own life that is primarily held together by Storge? What is it like?
Week 4: Friendship (Philia)
Read Chapter 3 of The Four Loves by C. S. Lewis ("Friendship"). Key theme verse: Proverbs 17:17; John 15:13–15.
1.Lewis famously describes the beginning of friendship as the moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too?' — the discovery of a shared insight, vision, or interest. Can you recall a friendship that began in something like this way? What was the 'What! You too?' moment?
Week 5: Eros
Read Chapter 4 of The Four Loves by C. S. Lewis ("Eros"). Key theme verse: Song of Solomon 8:6–7; Ephesians 5:25–33.
1.Lewis distinguishes between 'Eros' (being in love) and 'Venus' (the sexual instinct). Why is this distinction important? Have you ever confused the two?
Week 6: Charity (Agape)
Read Chapter 5 of The Four Loves by C. S. Lewis ("Charity"). Key theme verse: 1 John 4:7–12; Romans 5:5.
1.Lewis argues that the natural loves, left to themselves, are insufficient — they need to be 'completed, corrected, and cleansed' by Agape. In your own words, what does he mean, and do you agree?
Week 7: The Greatest Gift — Synthesis and Application
Re-read the Introduction and Chapter 5 of The Four Loves by C. S. Lewis. Key theme verse: 1 Corinthians 13:1–13.
1.Looking back at the four loves, which one do you find most natural and easy? Which one feels most foreign or challenging to you? Why?
Week 8: Review & Reflection
No new reading this week. Review your notes and journal from previous weeks, and re-read any passages that were especially significant for you.
1.Which of the four loves — Storge, Philia, Eros, or Agape — did you find most illuminating to study? What did Lewis help you see about that love that you had not seen before?
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Frequently Asked Questions
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This study guide covers The Four Loves in 8 weeks, with chapter-by-chapter discussion questions, reading references, and closing prayers for each session.
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The complete guide includes 63 discussion questions across 8 weeks — an average of 8 questions per week, designed for group conversation.
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