Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud & John Townsend
Week 4: Chapter 3 — Setting Boundaries with Yourself: Loving Your Spouse by Loving the Truth
Read Chapter 3 of Boundaries in Marriage. Key passages: Matthew 7:3–5; Ephesians 4:25.
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Before we can set boundaries with our spouse, Cloud and Townsend argue, we must first set them with ourselves — and this may be the most demanding chapter in the book.
Discussion Questions
8 questions1.The authors argue that the most important limits in a marriage are the ones we set on our own behavior, attitudes, and character. Why do you think self-limits are the necessary starting point? What goes wrong in a marriage when someone focuses entirely on the other person's need to change?
2.Cloud and Townsend describe people who demand change in their spouse while remaining blind to their own contribution to the problem — echoing Jesus's image of the speck and the plank (Matthew 7:3–5). Have you ever been on either side of that dynamic? What made it difficult to see your own plank?
3.The authors discuss taking responsibility for your own emotions rather than blaming your spouse for how you feel. What is the difference between saying 'You make me so angry' and 'I feel angry when…'? How does that shift in language reflect a deeper shift in ownership?
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