Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud & John Townsend
Week 9: Chapter 8 — Resolving Conflict Using Boundaries
Read Chapter 8 of Boundaries in Marriage. Key passages: Matthew 18:15–17; Ephesians 4:26–27.
Previewing Week 9 of Boundaries in Marriage
Read 3 of 8 discussion questions below. Unlock the complete 12-week guide when you’re ready.
Conflict in marriage is not the enemy — unresolved conflict is, and this chapter gives specific, practical tools for navigating disagreement in a way that honors both spouses and strengthens the relationship.
Discussion Questions
8 questions1.Cloud and Townsend argue that conflict, handled well, is one of the primary engines of growth in a marriage. Does that idea feel true to your experience? Think of a conflict that, in retrospect, actually made your relationship better. What made the difference?
2.The authors describe the importance of 'owning your part' before addressing your spouse's behavior — consistent with the plank-and-speck principle from Matthew 7. When you enter a conflict, how often do you begin by honestly assessing your own contribution? What makes that difficult?
3.Cloud and Townsend suggest using 'I' statements rather than 'you' statements in conflict — speaking about your own experience rather than making pronouncements about your spouse's motives or character. Practice this: take a real frustration from your marriage and reframe it from a 'you always…' statement to an 'I feel…when…' statement. How does the reframe change the emotional temperature?