Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas
Week 1: Introduction — The Holy Pursuit
Read the Introduction of Sacred Marriage by Gary L. Thomas. Key passages: Ephesians 5:25–32; Genesis 2:18–24.
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Before a single chapter begins, Thomas lays down the provocative thesis that will govern everything that follows — take a moment to sit with his opening question and consider honestly how you have thought about marriage up to now.
Discussion Questions
7 questions1.Thomas frames his central question as: "What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?" Before reading any further, how would you have answered that question? What assumptions about marriage did you bring into this book?
2.Thomas observes that most marriage books are essentially self-help books — their goal is a better, more satisfying marriage for you. How does his reframing shift the goal? What is at stake in that shift?
3.He draws on Paul's sweeping statement in Ephesians 5 that marriage is a picture of Christ and the church. Had you thought of your own marriage as carrying that kind of prophetic weight? What does it feel like to view it that way?
a.What does it mean for your marriage to be a picture of the gospel — not just theoretically, but in everyday interactions?
b.Where does your marriage currently reflect that picture well, and where does it fall short?
4.Thomas says that "everything about your marriage is filled with prophetic potential." Does that feel like good news, pressure, or both? Why?
5.He argues that difficulty in marriage is not evidence that something has gone wrong — it may be evidence that something is going right, spiritually speaking. How does that idea land with you? Does it ring true or feel like a rationalization?
6.Thomas positions marriage alongside fasting and prayer as a spiritual discipline. What does treating marriage as a discipline — rather than a relationship to be enjoyed — actually require of you practically?
7.If the primary purpose of your marriage is not your happiness but your holiness, how might that change the way you evaluate your marriage on a hard day? How might it change what you pray for?
Closing Prayer
Lord, we confess that we have often come to marriage as consumers — asking what it will give us, how it will fulfill us, whether it will make us happy. Forgive us for the smallness of that vision. You designed this covenant for something far greater: to make us holy, to conform us to the image of your Son, and to display the mystery of Christ and his church to the world. As we begin this study, give us the courage to stop running from the hard work of marriage and to see it, instead, as one of your most powerful tools. We want to pursue holiness more than comfort. Amen.
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