Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas

Week 2: Chapter 1 — The Refining Power of Marriage

Read Chapter 1 of Sacred Marriage. Key passages: Romans 5:3–5; James 1:2–4; Proverbs 27:17.

Thomas opens by arguing that marriage holds up a mirror we cannot put down — and the reflection is often humbling; let these questions help you look honestly into that mirror.

Discussion Questions

7 questions

1.Thomas uses the image of marriage as a refining fire rather than a comfortable nest. In your own words, what does he mean? How does that metaphor change what you expect marriage to feel like?

2.He cites the way that living in close proximity to another person exposes character flaws we could hide when we were single. Can you identify one or two things about yourself that marriage has brought to the surface that surprised you?

3.Thomas references the Puritan understanding of marriage as a school of virtue. What "lessons" has your marriage been teaching you lately — even if you have been a reluctant student?

4.He makes the point that the very irritations and conflicts of marriage are not obstacles to spiritual growth but instruments of it. Where in your marriage right now can you see that principle at work — or where are you most resistant to it?

5.Thomas distinguishes between happiness (a feeling that comes and goes) and holiness (a character that is built over time). Why is that distinction so important to how we interpret seasons of marital difficulty?

+ 4 more questions in this week

Get all 92 questions across 13 weeks

Get Full Guide — $24.99

Closing Prayer

Full guide

Father, we confess that we have treated irritation as an enemy and comfort as a right. We have pulled away from the very friction you are using to smooth our rough edges. Thank you that the refining fire of marriage is not cruelty — it is love, your love working through the closest human relationship we have. Give us the grace to stay in the fire a little longer, to cooperate with your work rather than extinguish it. Make us more patient, more humble, and more honest — and may the person we are becoming be a gift to our spouse. Amen.

Week 1 View Full Guide Week 3

Get the Complete 13-Week Study Guide

All 92 discussion questions, weekly reading schedule, closing prayers, and a downloadable PDF for your group.

Get Your Guide — $24.99

All Weeks in This Guide

Week 1 Week 2 Week 3 Week 4 Week 5 Week 6 Week 7 Week 8 Week 9 Week 10 Week 11 Week 12 Week 13

More by Gary Thomas Marriage & Relationships Spiritual Growth & Disciplines