Safe People by Henry Cloud & John Townsend
Week 3: Traits of Unsafe People (Part Two)
Read Part One, Chapters 3–4 of Safe People. Key passages: Proverbs 27:6; Galatians 6:1–2.
Previewing Week 3 of Safe People
Read 3 of 8 discussion questions below. Unlock the complete 11-week guide when you’re ready.
This week the authors move from broad descriptions of unsafety to a more specific, sometimes uncomfortably recognizable list of traits — including some we might find in ourselves.
Discussion Questions
8 questions1.Cloud and Townsend describe unsafe people as those who flatter rather than confront. Why is flattery — which feels so good in the moment — ultimately a form of relational harm? What does genuine, safe friendship require instead?
2.The authors identify 'demandingness' as an unsafe trait — the pattern of expecting others to meet needs without reciprocating or taking responsibility. Have you experienced this in a relationship? How did it affect your sense of self-worth over time?
3.One powerful concept is that unsafe people are 'dependent' rather than 'interdependent.' They don't bring themselves to a relationship; they need you to define them. What is the difference between healthy need in a relationship and this kind of dangerous dependency?
a.How can you tell which one you are experiencing in a given relationship?
b.Have you ever been the dependent one? What drove that?