You and Me Forever by Francis Chan
Week 5: Chapter 4 — Pursuing the Perfect Spouse
Read Chapter 4 of You and Me Forever. Key passages: Ephesians 5:25–33; 1 Corinthians 13:4–7; Romans 8:29.
Previewing Week 5 of You and Me Forever
Read 3 of 8 discussion questions below. Unlock the complete 10-week guide when you’re ready.
This chapter flips the script on the common marriage complaint — instead of asking 'Am I getting what I need?' it asks 'Am I becoming who God is calling me to be?'
Discussion Questions
8 questions1.The chapter's title is provocative: 'Pursuing the Perfect Spouse.' The Chans argue that this pursuit begins not by changing your spouse but by changing yourself. How does this reframe the way you typically think about problems in your marriage?
2.Francis draws on Ephesians 5:25–33 to describe the husband's call to love his wife as Christ loved the church — sacrificially, sanctifyingly, and tirelessly. How far is this from the way most husbands (including yourself, if you are one) actually love their wives?
3.Lisa speaks candidly about the challenges she has faced in her own marriage and the temptation to focus on what Francis was not doing rather than what she was being called to do. Can you relate to this pattern?
a.What is one specific way you tend to focus on your spouse's failures rather than your own growth?
b.What might change in your marriage if you committed to working on your own Christlikeness for the next 30 days without keeping score on your spouse?