Lewis addresses marriage with the same unflinching honesty he has brought to every topic — and says things that will likely make everyone slightly uncomfortable.

Discussion Questions

6 questions

1.Lewis distinguishes between 'being in love' (a feeling that comes and goes) and the commitment of marriage. What does he say about the relationship between the two, and why is this important for understanding the Christian view of marriage?

2.He argues that 'ceasing to be in love' does not mean a marriage has failed — the feeling was designed to ignite the will to commitment, not to replace it. How does this change the way we should understand the claim 'I fell out of love'?

a.How has the cultural equation of love with feeling shaped expectations about marriage in your community?

b.Lewis says a quieter, deeper union can be better than the initial 'in love' feeling. Do you believe that? Have you seen it?

3.Lewis addresses the question of 'head of the household' with characteristic bluntness. He argues that someone must have the casting vote in a genuine partnership, and that the Christian tradition gives this to the husband — but he frames this in terms of function, not worth. How do you evaluate his argument? What does he assume, and what might he have missed?

4.He makes a sharp distinction between the Christian view of marriage and the state's view — arguing that Christians should not expect the state to enforce the religious understanding of marriage. Why does he make this distinction, and what are its implications for contemporary debates?

5.Lewis says that keeping a promise when it stops being advantageous is 'morally interesting' in a way that keeping it when it's easy never is. How does the difficulty of marital fidelity actually reveal and build character in ways that easy love cannot?

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