Week 1: Introduction — The Marriage Problem

1.Keller opens by noting a strange cultural paradox: people desperately want lasting, intimate marriage but are marrying later, divorcing more, and cohabiting in record numbers. Had you noticed this tension before reading the introduction? How do you experience it in your own circles?

2.Keller argues that both the 'overly romantic' view of marriage (which expects a soul mate to complete you) and the cynical dismissal of marriage are wrong — and both actually share the same root assumption. What is that shared assumption, and why does Keller find it problematic?

3.The Kellers describe two very different stories they brought into their own marriage — Timothy's rather idealistic expectations and Kathy's more cautious ones. What story or set of expectations do you (or did you) bring into marriage or the idea of marriage?

4.Keller introduces Ephesians 5 early as the book's governing text, noting that most people — Christians included — find it either offensive or confusing. Why do you think this passage provokes such strong reactions, and what questions does it raise for you personally?

5.Keller says that understanding marriage rightly requires understanding the gospel. In your own words, why would a book about marriage need to start with theology rather than, say, communication strategies or compatibility tests?

6.Kathy Keller contributes a chapter (Chapter 7) and her voice is present throughout. How does the co-authorship shape the feel and credibility of the book's argument from the very beginning?

7.What is one assumption about marriage you are carrying into this study that you hope will be tested or sharpened over the coming weeks?