The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller
Week 6: Chapter 5 — Loving the Stranger
Read Chapter 5 of The Meaning of Marriage. Key Scripture: Ephesians 4:22–24; Romans 7:18–25.
This may be the most personally challenging chapter in the book — Keller argues that the person you marry is ultimately a stranger, and learning to love that stranger is the lifelong work of marriage.
Discussion Questions
7 questions1.Keller makes the arresting claim that you never fully know the person you marry — that over time, people change, circumstances change, and the person you are living with will become in some ways a stranger to you. Has this been your experience, or the experience of couples you know? How did you respond to this idea?
2.Keller argues that each of us also has a 'false self' — a performance we put on for others, including our spouse — and that marriage has the unique power to strip that false self away. Why is marriage particularly effective at doing this, and what does it reveal?
a.What aspects of your own character does close relationship tend to expose?
b.How do you typically respond when your 'false self' is challenged or stripped away?
3.Keller draws on his own marriage, describing moments where he and Kathy discovered they had very different assumptions, temperaments, and ways of operating — things neither saw clearly before they were married. What kinds of differences tend to be invisible in dating but highly visible in marriage?
Closing Prayer
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