Boundaries by Henry Cloud

Week 2: Chapter 1 — What Is a Boundary?

Read Chapter 1 of Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

Before you can build a fence, you have to know where your property line is — and that is exactly the work of this chapter. Come ready to think carefully about where you end and someone else begins.

Discussion Questions

8 questions

1.Cloud and Townsend define a boundary as a "personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible." In your own words, what does that mean? Why is the real estate metaphor helpful — and are there places where it might fall short?

2.The authors list several things that exist "inside" our boundaries — feelings, attitudes, behaviors, choices, values, limits, and desires, among others. Which of these surprised you most as something you are personally responsible for? Why?

3.Cloud and Townsend describe how we develop (or fail to develop) boundaries through our early relationships. What does this say about the role of family and community in shaping our sense of self?

a.Can you identify any messages from your upbringing that made boundary-setting feel unsafe, selfish, or unspiritual?

b.How might understanding those messages as learned patterns (rather than eternal truths) open up the possibility of change?

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