Cherish by Gary Thomas
Week 4: Chapter 3 — Using Your Mind to Change Your Heart
Read Chapter 3 of Cherish by Gary Thomas. Key passages: Philippians 4:8; Romans 12:2.
Previewing Week 4 of Cherish
Read 3 of 7 discussion questions below. Unlock the complete 13-week guide when you’re ready.
Thomas makes a bold and practical claim in this chapter: you can change what you *feel* about your spouse by deliberately changing what you *think* about your spouse — and this is not self-deception but spiritual discipline.
Discussion Questions
7 questions1.Thomas argues against the idea that feelings are beyond our control — that if you don't feel warmth toward your spouse, there is nothing to be done. Do you find this hopeful or naive? What is your instinctive reaction to the claim that you can use your mind to change your heart?
2.He draws on Philippians 4:8 — 'whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is lovely... think about these things' — and applies it directly to how we think about our spouses. What would it look like to apply this verse specifically to your spouse? What is true, honorable, and lovely about them that you tend to overlook?
a.Make a list (even a short one) of your spouse's genuine virtues and strengths.
b.How often do you actively direct your mind toward those things, as opposed to their weaknesses or irritants?
3.Thomas introduces the idea of 'sacred memory' — deliberately recalling and rehearsing meaningful moments in your marriage to rekindle affection. Do you have a reservoir of good memories you draw on? Or do the negative moments tend to crowd out the positive ones in your mental landscape?