Cherish

1.Thomas uses the image of rings — not just wedding rings, but the rings of a tree — to talk about the layers that develop in a marriage over time. What does this image suggest about how cherishing is built (or eroded) gradually, layer by layer?

1.Thomas argues that the gospel is the most powerful engine for cherishing a flawed spouse, because God himself loved us while we were still his enemies (Romans 5:8). Does this truth feel like motivation or like a burden right now? Why?

1.Thomas argues against the idea that feelings are beyond our control — that if you don't feel warmth toward your spouse, there is nothing to be done. Do you find this hopeful or naive? What is your instinctive reaction to the claim that you can use your mind to change your heart?

1.Thomas argues that a cherishing spouse is an *inspiring* spouse — someone who calls forth the best in their partner rather than dimming their potential. Think of a person in your life (not necessarily a spouse) who has made you feel truly believed in. What did they do, and what effect did it have on you?

1.Thomas argues that the way we regard our spouse's body — with delight, indifference, or criticism — is one of the most direct expressions of whether we truly cherish them. How does this frame physical intimacy differently from how our culture typically talks about it?

1.Thomas suggests that praying regularly and specifically for your spouse is one of the most profound acts of cherishing available to you. How often and how specifically do you actually pray for your spouse? Be honest — what does your prayer life for them reveal about how you cherish them?

1.Thomas argues that a cherishing spouse is quick to celebrate their partner — in private and in public — not just in crisis but in ordinary life. How would you describe your celebration quotient in your marriage? Are you more of an encourager or a critic by default?

1.Thomas draws the direct line between cherishing and sacrifice: you cannot truly cherish without willingness to sacrifice. Do you agree? Can you think of a relationship in which someone was 'cherished' without any self-giving on the part of the one doing the cherishing?

1.Thomas argues that what we prioritize reveals what we cherish — and that many couples who claim to cherish each other have structured their lives in ways that tell a very different story. Without excusing yourself, look honestly at last week: where did your discretionary time actually go? Where does your spouse fit in the real, lived hierarchy of your attention?

1.Thomas acknowledges that there are seasons in marriage when cherishing feels not just difficult but impossible — when your spouse's behavior, health struggles, or your own emotional state make warmth feel far away. How have you experienced this in your own marriage? What did you do with it?

1.Thomas argues that no couple can sustain a cherishing marriage in isolation — that the church community is meant to be the ecosystem in which marriages grow and are protected. How does your church currently support marriages? What more could it do?

1.Looking back over the whole book, which chapter or concept hit you hardest — the one that most directly exposed something that needs to change in you? What made it land with such force?