Forgiving What You Can't Forget by Lysa TerKeurst
Week 1: Introduction — "I Don't Know How to Do This"
Read the Introduction of Forgiving What You Can't Forget. Key Scripture: Matthew 18:21–22; Colossians 3:13.
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Before diving into the content, take a moment to consider what drew you to this book — and what you're secretly hoping you won't have to do by the end of it.
Discussion Questions
7 questions1.Lysa opens the book with a deeply personal account of her own devastation and her admission that she didn't know how to forgive. What was your honest reaction to her vulnerability? Did it make you trust her more, or did it make you nervous about where the book is heading?
2.She describes being stuck in a cycle of unresolved pain — replaying offenses, unable to move forward. Without necessarily naming the person or the situation, can you identify a place in your own life where that description feels accurate?
3.Lysa distinguishes from the very beginning between forgiveness as a feeling and forgiveness as a decision. Why do you think so many of us wait for the feeling before we take the step? What are the risks of waiting?
4.In her opening letter to the reader, Lysa says, "If no one else has ever said they're sorry for your deep pain, I will." What did that sentence do to you emotionally? Why might those words carry such weight for someone who has never received an apology?
5.The book promises to help readers move on "when the other person refuses to change and never says they're sorry." What assumptions did you hold going in about whether forgiveness is even possible in that situation?
6.In Matthew 18, Peter asks Jesus how many times he must forgive a brother who sins against him — and suggests seven times, thinking he is being generous. Jesus answers "seventy times seven." What do you think Jesus is communicating, and why is that number both challenging and liberating?
a.Does Jesus's answer suggest that forgiveness is always a one-time event, or something more like an ongoing practice?
b.How does this reframe what you expect forgiveness to feel like when you "get there"?
7.What do you most hope to gain from this study — and what are you most afraid this study will ask of you?
Closing Prayer
Lord, we are here because we are stuck. We've tried to move past the hurt on our own, and it hasn't worked. We come to this study with real pain, real resistance, and sometimes real anger. We don't ask you to take those things away — we ask you to meet us in the middle of them. Teach us what forgiveness really is. Give us the courage to consider that it might be possible, even in the hardest places. And hold the stories in this room with the tenderness that only you can. Amen.
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