For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn
Week 10: Chapter 9 — The Truth About the Way He Treats You: Why His Insecurity May Be Driving Him
Read Chapter 9 of For Women Only.
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This chapter pulls back the curtain on something that may be the key to understanding many puzzling or even hurtful behaviors in men — the way that unaddressed insecurity can masquerade as anger, control, or emotional distance.
Discussion Questions
7 questions1.Feldhahn argues that much of what looks like a man's insensitivity, harshness, or controlling behavior is rooted in unaddressed insecurity — particularly the fear of failure or inadequacy we saw in Chapter 2. Does this feel like a fair and honest assessment, or does it feel like it excuses bad behavior?
2.She gives examples of how a man's anger or irritability can be a secondary emotion — what's on the surface — while hurt, fear, or shame is what's actually underneath. Have you ever seen this pattern in a man in your life? What did it look like?
3.Feldhahn is careful to say that understanding the *root* of hurtful behavior does not mean tolerating it. Where does the line fall between compassionate understanding and enabling harmful patterns?
a.If a man in your life has patterns of behavior that hurt you, does this chapter help you understand him better — or does it make you feel more responsible for his emotional state than you should be?
b.What is the difference between responding with empathy and taking responsibility for his feelings?
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