Discussion question your group will work through:
1.Todd opens by describing the social-media mirage of relationships — the polished photos and curated moments that make other couples' lives look perfect. When have you caught yourself comparing your relationships (or lack of one) to what you see online? What did that comparison do to you?
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About This Study Guide
Relationship Goals by Pastor Michael Todd is a candid, gospel-grounded guide to building the relationships you actually want — not the filtered, highlight-reel versions you see on social media. Drawing from his wildly popular, multi-million-view sermon series at Transformation Church in Tulsa, Oklahoma, Todd tackles the full spectrum of relationships: friendships, dating, engagement, marriage, sex, and the inner work required before any of those can truly flourish. His central thesis is simple but demanding: you will never reach a destination you haven't decided to aim for. Until you get intentional about your relationship goals — and let God set those goals — you'll keep settling for connections that look good on the outside but leave you empty on the inside.
This study guide is designed for small groups or individual use over ten weeks. Each week, you'll read the assigned chapter (or section) of the book before your group meets or before you sit down to journal. Come ready to engage honestly — Todd writes with disarming transparency about his own marriage to Natalie, his past mistakes, and the awkward, beautiful work of becoming the right person before finding the right person. As you read, underline what challenges you, circle what surprises you, and write down the questions that surface. Then work through the discussion questions below, either with your group or in your journal. If you're studying alone, consider texting one answer each week to a trusted friend to keep yourself accountable.
By the end of this guide, you will have examined the foundations of your most important relationships, identified the patterns and past wounds that may be holding you back, and developed a clearer picture of the relationships God is inviting you into. Whether you are single, dating, engaged, married, or somewhere in the middle of "it's complicated," these weeks have the potential to be genuinely life-changing — not because the questions are easy, but because the God behind the goals is good.
10-Week Schedule
- Week 1Introduction — Why Goals Matter6 questions
- Week 2Chapter 1 — Relationship Goals Start with You7 questions
- Week 3Chapter 2 — Intentional Dating Over Recreational Dating7 questions
- Week 4Chapter 3 — Before the Person Comes the Process7 questions
- Week 5Chapter 4 — DTR (Define the Relationship)7 questions
- Week 6Chapter 5 — Boundaries Are Your Friend7 questions
- Week 7Chapter 6 — Love After Marriage7 questions
- Week 8Chapter 7 — Let's Talk About Sex7 questions
- Week 9Chapter 8 — Friendship Goals7 questions
- Week 10Review & Reflection8 questions
Week 1: Introduction — Why Goals Matter
Free sampleRead the Introduction of Relationship Goals by Michael Todd.
1.Todd opens by describing the social-media mirage of relationships — the polished photos and curated moments that make other couples' lives look perfect. When have you caught yourself comparing your relationships (or lack of one) to what you see online? What did that comparison do to you?
2.The book's core premise is that you won't reach a destination you haven't decided to aim for. In your own words, what does it mean to be intentional about your relationship goals rather than just letting relationships 'happen' to you?
3.Todd is candid that he wrote this book not as a perfect marriage expert but as someone who has done the hard work alongside his wife, Natalie. Why do you think his honesty about imperfection makes the message more — not less — credible?
4.The introduction establishes that God has relationship goals for your life that are better than your own. Does that idea feel comforting, challenging, or both? What assumptions about God's intentions for your relationships do you bring into this study?
5.Todd addresses readers across a wide spectrum — single, dating, engaged, married, or 'it's complicated.' Which of those describes you right now, and what is the one relationship question you most hope this book helps you answer?
6.What would it look like for your group (or for you personally) to approach this study with real honesty rather than giving the 'right' answers? What would make that feel safe?
Week 2: Chapter 1 — Relationship Goals Start with You
Read Chapter 1 of Relationship Goals by Michael Todd.
1.Todd argues that before you can build healthy relationships with others, you have to do serious work on your relationship with yourself and with God. Why is it tempting to skip that inner work and jump straight to finding the right person?
Week 3: Chapter 2 — Intentional Dating Over Recreational Dating
Read Chapter 2 of Relationship Goals by Michael Todd.
1.Todd draws a sharp distinction between recreational dating (dating for the experience, the feelings, or the company) and intentional dating (dating as a purposeful search for a life partner). In your own words, what is the key difference between the two?
Week 4: Chapter 3 — Before the Person Comes the Process
Read Chapter 3 of Relationship Goals by Michael Todd.
1.Todd makes the case that most people are praying for a person when God is trying to walk them through a process. What's the difference between praying for God to send someone and praying for God to prepare you? Which prayer feels more natural to you?
Week 5: Chapter 4 — DTR (Define the Relationship)
Read Chapter 4 of Relationship Goals by Michael Todd.
1.Todd is famous for using the acronym DTR — 'Define the Relationship.' Why do you think so many people are afraid to have that conversation? What is the emotional risk that makes clarity feel dangerous?
Week 6: Chapter 5 — Boundaries Are Your Friend
Read Chapter 5 of Relationship Goals by Michael Todd.
1.Todd reframes boundaries not as restrictions that limit your freedom but as protections that preserve what you value. How does that reframe change your gut reaction to the word 'boundaries'? Do you naturally see them as limiting or liberating?
Week 7: Chapter 6 — Love After Marriage
Read Chapter 6 of Relationship Goals by Michael Todd. Key passage: 1 Corinthians 13.
1.Todd flips the cultural script by arguing that love doesn't lead to marriage — real love actually grows after marriage. What's your gut reaction to that claim? Does it match your experience or the experience of couples you respect?
Week 8: Chapter 7 — Let's Talk About Sex
Read Chapter 7 of Relationship Goals by Michael Todd. Key passages: Genesis 2:24–25; Song of Solomon; 1 Corinthians 6:18–20.
1.Todd opens this chapter by acknowledging that the Church has often done a poor job talking about sex — either pretending it doesn't exist or reducing it to a list of 'don'ts.' How has the way you received (or didn't receive) teaching on sex from the Church shaped your current attitudes toward it?
Week 9: Chapter 8 — Friendship Goals
Read Chapter 8 of Relationship Goals by Michael Todd. Key passage: Proverbs 17:17; Ecclesiastes 4:9–12.
1.Todd makes the case that we have severely undervalued friendship in our culture — treating it as a nice extra rather than an essential need. Do you agree? How intentional are you about building and maintaining deep friendships?
Week 10: Review & Reflection
Review your notes, journal entries, and underlined passages from all chapters of Relationship Goals by Michael Todd.
1.Looking back across the entire book, which chapter or concept hit you the hardest — the one that most challenged, surprised, or changed you? Why did that particular idea land so powerfully?
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many weeks is the Relationship Goals study guide?
This study guide covers Relationship Goals in 10 weeks, with chapter-by-chapter discussion questions, reading references, and closing prayers for each session.
How many discussion questions are included?
The complete guide includes 70 discussion questions across 10 weeks — an average of 7 questions per week, designed for group conversation.
Can I use this guide for a book club?
Yes — the questions are written for group discussion and work well for small groups, book clubs, church studies, and couples reading together.
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