At a glance: this is a 11-week study and discussion guide for Try Softer by Aundi Kolber, with 78 questions organized by reading assignment. Week 1 is free to read, with no card required.
Try Softer by Aundi Kolber is a book for the exhausted, the overfunctioning, and the burned out — which, if we're honest, describes most of us. Drawing on her training as a licensed therapist and her own hard-won story of healing, Kolber challenges the "try harder" gospel that tells us to push through, numb out, and keep performing. In its place, she offers something both countercultural and deeply Christian: the invitation to try softer. Through a rich integration of neuroscience, attachment theory, somatic (body-based) therapy, and Christian spirituality, Kolber shows how God designed our minds and bodies to work together — and how learning to listen to both is not self-indulgence but sacred work. The book's core argument is that many of us are living in chronic survival mode, cut off from our emotions, our bodies, and our truest selves, and that real transformation requires curiosity, compassion, and the willingness to feel what we've been running from.
This study guide is designed for use over ten weeks — one week per chapter, plus a final Review & Reflection week. Each week, you are encouraged to read the assigned chapter before your group meets (or before you sit down to journal individually). As you read, mark passages that surprise you, challenge you, or resonate deeply. Bring those observations into your discussion. The questions move from comprehension ("What is Kolber actually saying here?") to application ("Where do I see this in my own life?") to reflection ("How does this connect to the God who made me?"). Some questions invite you to try one of Kolber's practical exercises — consider actually doing them rather than just reading about them.
Whether you are working through this book in a small group, with a trusted friend, or on your own, come with gentleness toward yourself. Kolber is insistent that the healing journey is not about arriving at perfection but about showing up with honesty and compassion. You may find some chapters stir up emotions you didn't expect — that is not a sign something is wrong; it is often a sign the material is doing exactly what it should. Give yourself permission to go at the pace you need. The goal is not to finish the book faster, but to begin to live differently — more connected, more present, more free.