Try Softer by Aundi Kolber
Week 2: Chapter 1 — Permission to Be Human
Read Chapter 1 of Try Softer by Aundi Kolber.
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Chapter 1 lays the foundational permission that the rest of the book depends on: you are allowed to be a full human being, with real needs, real feelings, and a real body. Take these questions slowly — some of the most important work in this chapter happens beneath the surface.
Discussion Questions
7 questions1.Kolber argues that many of us have absorbed the message — from family, church, culture — that our needs and emotions are burdens or signs of weakness. Where did you first learn to minimize your own humanity? What was the context?
2.She introduces the concept of the "window of tolerance" — the zone in which we are able to function, feel, and think clearly. What are the two states outside that window (hyperarousal and hypoarousal), and how does Kolber describe them?
a.Which of these two states do you tend to move toward when you're overwhelmed — speeding up and anxiously overreacting, or shutting down and going numb?
b.What triggers typically push you out of your window?
3.Kolber uses the image of a window to describe our emotional capacity. How does understanding yourself as having a "window" — rather than simply judging yourself as strong or weak — change the way you relate to your own reactions?
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