Try Softer by Aundi Kolber
Week 5: Chapter 4 — Attachment: How We Learn to Love
Read Chapter 4 of Try Softer by Aundi Kolber.
Previewing Week 5 of Try Softer
Read 3 of 7 discussion questions below. Unlock the complete 11-week guide when you’re ready.
The way we learned to attach to our earliest caregivers shapes the way we relate to everyone — including God — today. These questions invite honest reflection on patterns that may run very deep.
Discussion Questions
7 questions1.Kolber explains the four main attachment styles: secure, anxious/preoccupied, avoidant/dismissive, and disorganized/fearful. How does she describe each one? Which resonates most with patterns you recognize in yourself?
2.She makes the important point that our attachment style is not a life sentence — we can develop "earned security" through healing relationships and intentional work. How hopeful or skeptical does that claim feel to you? What would it take for you to believe it?
3.Kolber draws a direct line between our early attachment experiences and the way we relate to God — for instance, if we grew up with an unpredictable or absent parent, we may experience God as unpredictable or absent, even when our theology says otherwise. Does this ring true in your experience of God?
a.Can you identify a belief you hold about God emotionally that differs from what you believe theologically?
b.How might your attachment history be shaping that gap?