Try Softer by Aundi Kolber
Week 1: Introduction — The Try Softer Invitation
Read the Introduction of Try Softer by Aundi Kolber.
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Before diving into the chapters, Kolber sets the stage by naming the exhaustion so many of us carry — and daring to suggest there is another way. As you discuss this week, pay attention to what stirs in you as you read her opening invitation.
Discussion Questions
7 questions1.Kolber opens by describing a culture that preaches a "try harder" gospel — keep going, keep performing, keep pretending you're fine. Where have you encountered this message most loudly in your own life?
a.Was it in your family of origin, your workplace, your church, or somewhere else?
b.What did it cost you to keep living by that message?
2.How does Kolber define "trying softer"? In your own words, what is she inviting us into — and what is she not saying (i.e., what is the difference between trying softer and simply giving up or checking out)?
3.Kolber identifies herself as both a therapist and someone who has walked through her own story of pain and healing. How does her dual role — professional and personal — shape the way you receive her voice in this book?
4.She argues that many of us are disconnected from our bodies, our emotions, and our truest selves. Does this ring true for you? What does "being disconnected from yourself" actually look or feel like in daily life?
5.Kolber frames healing as "sacred work" and grounds it theologically in the idea that God designed our bodies and minds to work together. How does this reframe the way you think about therapy, self-care, or emotional work — particularly if you've ever been taught that such things are self-indulgent or unspiritual?
6.What do you hope to gain from this book and this study? What is one honest fear or reservation you bring to it?
7.Kolber describes the try softer life as "a living, breathing, moving, feeling, connected, beautifully incarnational life." What word in that description most captures what you are longing for right now? Why?
Closing Prayer
Lord, we confess that we have been trying harder for a long time — pushing through, performing, and pretending we're fine when we are not. We have called this strength, but often it has been a way of hiding from ourselves and, sometimes, from You. As we begin this journey, we ask for the courage to try softer — to be curious rather than critical, to feel rather than flee, to be honest rather than managed. Thank You that You designed us — body, mind, and soul — for connection and wholeness. Meet us in the sacred work of healing. Amen.
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