Try Softer by Aundi Kolber
Week 8: Chapter 7 — Boundaries as Belonging
Read Chapter 7 of Try Softer by Aundi Kolber.
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Kolber reframes boundaries not as walls that keep people out, but as the structures that make genuine love and connection possible. This chapter may challenge assumptions — and free you in ways you didn't expect.
Discussion Questions
7 questions1.How does Kolber define healthy boundaries? How is her definition different from the way "boundaries" are sometimes talked about — as a way of protecting yourself from others or asserting your rights?
2.She argues that boundaries are actually a gift to our relationships — they allow us to show up more fully and honestly rather than disappearing into what others need from us. Do you agree? Can you think of a relationship where better boundaries actually created more genuine connection?
3.Kolber talks about the pattern of people-pleasing — agreeing, accommodating, and over-giving not out of love but out of fear. How do you distinguish between genuine generosity and people-pleasing in your own life?
a.What does people-pleasing feel like in your body? What emotions tend to accompany it?
b.What are you usually afraid will happen if you say no?
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