His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley Jr.
Week 12: Chapter 11 — His Need #5: Admiration / Her Need #5: Honesty and Openness
Read Chapter 11 of His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley Jr.
Previewing Week 12 of His Needs, Her Needs
Read 3 of 7 discussion questions below. Unlock the complete 14-week guide when you’re ready.
Harley completes his list of ten needs by pairing a husband's deep need to be admired with a wife's equally deep need for honesty and transparency — and shows how these two needs are more connected than they first appear.
Discussion Questions
7 questions1.Harley defines a husband's need for admiration as a need to feel respected, valued, and appreciated by his wife — not as flattery, but as genuine recognition of who he is and what he contributes. Why does he believe this need is so significant for men?
2.Harley warns that a critical or contemptuous wife makes large withdrawals from her husband's Love Bank — and pushes him toward women who make him feel valued. Does that feel like a fair warning, or does it risk excusing a husband's vulnerability to flattery? How do you hold those things in balance?
3.Harley defines a wife's need for honesty and openness as the need to know her husband's true thoughts, feelings, plans, and struggles — to feel that she truly knows the man she is married to. Why is secrecy or emotional guardedness so damaging to a wife's sense of security?
a.Are there areas of your life — fears, struggles, past history, current temptations — that you keep from your spouse? What keeps you from sharing them?
b.What would genuine openness with your spouse look like, and what would it cost you?