His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley Jr.
Week 13: Chapter 12 — How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage
Read Chapter 12 of His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley Jr.
Previewing Week 13 of His Needs, Her Needs
Read 3 of 8 discussion questions below. Unlock the complete 14-week guide when you’re ready.
Having laid out all ten needs, Harley brings the book to its central practical application: what does it actually look like to build a marriage so emotionally strong and mutually satisfying that it becomes genuinely affair-proof?
Discussion Questions
8 questions1.Harley's central preventive strategy is straightforward: if both spouses are meeting each other's top five needs consistently, the marriage becomes far more resistant to the conditions that produce affairs. In your own words, why does that work — what is the mechanism?
2.Harley introduces the idea of the "Policy of Undivided Attention" — setting aside protected, focused time together every week as a non-negotiable commitment. What makes this difficult in practice, and what makes it essential?
a.How much truly undivided time do you currently give your spouse each week?
b.What would it take to build that time into your schedule as a genuine priority?
3.Harley also addresses the "Policy of Radical Honesty" — the commitment to never deceive your spouse, including by omission, even when the truth is uncomfortable. Why is this policy essential for affair-proofing a marriage? What are the risks of "protective" half-truths in marriage?