His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley Jr.
Week 2: Chapter 1 — The Love Bank
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The Love Bank is Harley's foundational metaphor for how emotional connection is built and eroded — understanding it clearly will shape everything else in the book.
Discussion Questions
7 questions1.Harley describes the Love Bank as an internal account that every person keeps for every relationship in their life. Deposits are made when someone meets a need; withdrawals happen when someone causes frustration or pain. How does this metaphor help explain why some relationships feel energizing and others feel draining?
2.Harley distinguishes between "making deposits" and "avoiding withdrawals." Why is it not enough simply to stop hurting your spouse? What is required beyond that?
3.According to Harley, romantic love — the feeling of being "in love" — is triggered when someone's Love Bank balance crosses a certain threshold. What are the implications of that idea for long-term marriages where that feeling has faded?
a.Does this suggest that the feeling of being "in love" can be rebuilt intentionally? What would that require?
b.Have you ever experienced a season in a relationship where Love Bank deposits caused affection to grow again? What drove that?
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